How to Avoid Sibling Rivalry in Your Family

Parents of two or more children are well familiar with the phrase.” Sibling Rivalry.” Because it is an unavoidable phrase for every family experience, you might have had big dreams when expecting your second child. The thought of watching them sharing toys, sharing the same bedroom, and even wearing matching clothes if you knew you would have another boy or another girl. As a mom of five kids, I am well familiar with all these imaginations and dreams.

Yet the reality is always the opposite of what we as parents think and dream for our future families. Because every child has a unique personality, you will find yourself dealing with diverse personalities in your home. There will always be arguments, fighting, telling on each other, resentments, and sometimes the fight might be very intense.

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Even though it is an inevitable situation for every family, there is much we as parents can do to minimize it. However, childhood sibling relationships have a significant impact on adulthood. And we, as parents, have the will to structure that relationship positively.

How to Avoid Sibling Rivalry in Your Family

Here are a few tips to help you resolve conflicts between your children and help them get along, creating the most peaceful and healthy home environment.

What is sibling rivalry?

Sibling rivalry is an ongoing conflict between siblings living in the same house. The conflict often starts when the second child is born and continues as they grow up. It happens because of distinct personalities, competition, and especially when one child feels they don’t get as much attention from their parents as the youngest child does. In most cases, older children are the ones who start the conflict because of jealousy, especially when younger siblings are more likely to be perceived as the parents’ favourites. These are some of the major causes of sibling rivalry.

To prevent sibling rivalry in your family, you need the best strategies to help your kids get along and build stronger relationships as they mature.

The six strategies listed here are very helpful for addressing sibling rivalry in your household and for leading a positive parenting life.

1) Analyze the situation

The best way to solve the problem between your children is to analyze the situation carefully before taking action when the conflict arises. Sometimes kids can be smart and trick you easily. You should be able to tell which child is lying to avoid being unfair to other kids. If you are being strict with one child and lenient with another, you will end up having children who constantly quarrel with one another.

Despite how exhausted you are after a long day, do your best to follow through with consequences. This will give each of your children the assurance that you are acting fairly, and they will not feel they have to fight with each other to keep each other in their place.

2. Give your attention to your children

When children run to you wanting to tell on each other, they often scream and fight over who speaks first. This can be very stressful and frustrating for many parents. This causes parents to yell rather than listen to what the kids have to say. As a parent, it is best not to yell or threaten your older children with grounding if they keep making noise. Doing either of these things will intensify sibling rivalry, as your kids will compare your actions. Instead, stop whatever you’re doing, give your ears to your kids, and let them explain themselves one by one. If you understand what is going on and identify the kid who caused the conflict, let them face the consequences of their actions.

3. Be Fair to each child

It’s impossible to be totally fair all the time as a parent, but it sure helps when you’re doing your best. Don’t let the wrongdoer always get away without facing the consequences of their actions just because they are young or a favourite. If you are favouring one child over another, the sibling with the short end of the stick will be bitter, and the child being favoured will be in trouble with the other kids.

Assure your children, through your actions, that you will do your best to parent fairly and consistently. This will give your children the confidence that you are always looking out for each of them, without putting the others at risk.

4. Encourage Personal Responsibility

As a parent, avoid over-supporting the younger child when they are wrong. As I mentioned above, letting any child get away with their mistake with no consequences is a bad idea. Your task is to create harmony in the home by holding each child accountable for their actions. Be a parent who is loving yet firm, helping your children realize their mistakes and learn from them to avoid repeating them.

By teaching your child to accept their consequences with dignity, you’re not punishing them; on the contrary, you’re teaching them to be honest with themselves and others. This is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our children.

5. Don’t Encourage Victimhood

By all means, intervene if one of your children is being treated unfairly by siblings. However, lie low for a time if you have a child who is always begging for help and you realize they enjoy the attention. Allowing any of your children to slip into victimization will not benefit them in the long run. Let your child know you are on their side. Instead of rescuing him, you will empower him to rescue himself. This also squashes any potential personal problems that could arise when your child feels they need to gain your sympathy during an argument with their siblings.

6) Avoid comparison

Another major cause of sibling rivalry is when you’re comparing your children to one another. Your youngest child always passes with an A+, and your older child doesn’t care less about school. Resist the temptation to compare your older child to their younger sibling with comments such as, “I wish you were smart like your younger sister.” Comments like these can devastate your children’s relationships with each other. It can also damage the relationship between you, as a parent, and your children.

Be a parent who seeks a united and peaceful relationship with your children. Instead of comparing, focus on praising your children for the small things they can do, as this will encourage them to do even better. Try to give each child a chance to be heard and respected, as everyone would like to be treated.

Take away

Remember that raising children comes with many challenges. If you want to avoid some traps in parenting children who dislike and disrespect each other, try these ideas to keep things running smoothly. Your reward will be a family that cares about each other and shows mutual respect and courage, rather than hostility.